Written media is flawed.

It’s been reported that 7 percent of our communication is done through the words we use, 38 percent comes from vocal tonality, and a whopping 55 percent of communication is nonverbal.

Thus, we lose over 90% of our communicating power when we can’t hear or see the person we’re talking with.

Yet, in today’s society written communication is critical. The convenience of text and email makes them both an integral part of everyday communication.

When I first started texting, I used to get worked up. It seemed like almost daily I’d have conversations that would unnecessarily lead to arguments and miscommunications.

Often, I’d take exception to something I received, fire off a quick response, and things would escalate from there.

But over time, I’ve learned and I’ve developed the following rules for myself for effectively using written communication.

These rules are fairly high-level, and are focused on the situational use of email/text. Next week, I’ll dig deeper into some specific situations.

1. Sensitive topics should be handled via phone calls or face to face conversations.

If there’s a moderate chance of the other party taking offense to your message or having a lot of clarifying questions, emails and texts don’t work. Arguably the most important aspects of difficult conversations are handled before you even open your mouth. Subtle nonverbal cues that you can use and pick up from the other person are critical.

So when these elements are important, email and text aren’t the right media.

2. Shorter is often better.

There are times when a long email is warranted. Sometimes it’s good to get a large amount of information stored in one place, and sometimes it’s important to have your thoughts captured in writing for later reference.

But that’s rarely the case. And even when you do have a lot of information to get across, succinct writing is critical.

Otherwise, your messages are less likely to be read and you’re more likely to confuse the reader.

3. Wait five minutes.

One of the biggest things I took away from driver’s training class was my instructor’s recommendation to never drive when you’re particularly “mad, sad, and glad.”

The same thing applies to texts and emails.

When I receive something that makes me feel a strong emotion in any direction, I take a moment before responding.

Within that space between the strong emotional input I receive and my response, I’m almost always able to calm down and see things for what they are rather than how I feel about them.

If you only implement one of these rules, this should be it. Countless arguments could be avoided if we just took the time to cool off.

4. Assume best intentions.

I sign-off almost all of my emails with the phrase “best regards.” The purpose of that phrase is to ask the reader to assume that the given email was sent with the best of intentions.

As I’ve already mentioned, there are things that I try to do to prevent detrimental miscommunication, but I realize that I will never be close to perfect. No matter how much I proofread and try to be intentional with my wording, there will be room for interpretation.

So to some extent, I have to rely on the recipient to assume that my message is coming from a positive place.

And I try to give the same courtesy for the messages I receive.

5. Be empathetic.

As I started to look back through the things that frustrate me when I’m on the receiving end of an email, I realized that almost all of them can be explained. And I also realize that I’m guilty of the same offenses.

Sometimes I’m short when I’m in a hurry. Sometimes I forget to respond to texts. Sometimes I misinterpret the intentions of the other party.

With that realization, I’ve made a conscious effort to look at situations from a different perspective. I don’t know what’s going on in the life of the person I’m talking with, so the least I can do is at least try to be empathetic.

6. Realize that following up can actually be a courtesy.

Busy people receive A LOT of email. If I send something and don’t get a response after a reasonable amount of time, I follow up.

At first, I thought I was being rude when I did this. I didn’t want to come across as pushy.

But over time, I realized that tactful follow up can actually be a courtesy. Often, the person I’m trying to reach wants to respond, but for some reason they simply haven’t gotten around to it. Maybe they’re busy, maybe they’re disorganized, or maybe I just didn’t do a good job of clearly communicating my purpose in the first email.

In any of these cases, I’ve found that a tactful follow up is welcomed.

7. If things start to escalate, see Rule #1.

Even when I follow the above rules, things turn south sometimes.

In these situations, I pick up the phone or try to schedule a face to face conversation. It’s hard enough communicating through text and email when you’re on level ground, and it’s nearly impossible once emotions are involved.

-Brandon