There’s a great story from Stephen Covey tied into his Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.
He talks about the first time his son took responsibility
Within that story, there are numerous valuable insights. But I want to highlight three in particular that stuck with me.
1. “Raise boys not grass”
When the boy is struggling to withhold his end of the agreement, Covey is tempted to put his foot down. His lawn is suffering, and in the moment it seems like the only way it’ll be addressed is if he forces his son’s hand.
But he resists. He reflects back on his priorities and remembers that the more important effort is helping his son develop. Even if that means sacrificing the look of his yard.
As Covey presents the situation, it seems obvious. But I can think back to several times in which I’ve had similar internal debates.
There are times I’ve chosen to value relationships over being right at a given time, shared experiences over selfishness, and people over things.
And although this seems obvious, it’s rarely easy in the moment.
2. The challenge of moving up the ladder of iniative
After the boy fails to do anything to address the lawn, Covey partially attributes the behavior to his son’s struggle to climb the ladder of
So he gets overwhelmed and does nothing.
I can relate to this.
Often the hardest part of taking on big challenges is deciding what to do. The total project (in this case maintaining a green and clean lawn) seems so daunting that we can easily forget how simple it sometimes is to just get started.
3. You cannot hold people responsible for results if you supervise their methods
This is the most interesting, and possibly the most difficult aspect of this entire situation.
When we’re leading others, it’s tempting to want them to act as we do. Often we’ve developed a process that works for us, so we assume that everyone else should follow the same process.
But as Covey says, this is counterproductive.
The way he phrased it to his son was perfect; essentially, “It’s up to you how you want to maintain the lawn. I can tell you how I’d do it if you’d like, but you get to decide for yourself as long as you keep it green and clean.”
He offers to share the experience that he has gained, but he doesn’t make his son feel restricted in the methods he uses to maintain the lawn. Sure, the sprinkler, lawn mower, and trash bags are probably the best tools to complete the tasks; but it’s not the only way.
It goes back to the What, How, Why method of teaching.
I start by telling what needs to be done, how I would do it, and why it’s done that way.
As long as you understand Why things are as they are and are able to achieve the same What, then feel free to change the How as you see fit.
-Brandon