Whenever we try to compare contributions to a relationship or an interaction by “keeping score,” it tends to lead to frustration.

On the surface, it seems like we get the short end of the stick. That we end up putting in more than our fair share of time, effort, money, etc.

The problem is that the other person probably doesn’t even know it. Or worse, they might even feel like they’re the ones getting the short end of the stick.

Obviously both of these opinions can’t be objectively true at the same time, but in our perception they certainly can.

There’s a simple explanation for this: blindspots.

We’re aware of everything that we do to contribute. We know exactly how much we spent on parking and gas, how long it took to write the paper, and how much work it took to clean up the yard.

The other party doesn’t.

Even if they’re trying to keep track of the situation and generally keep the contributions equal, they can’t catch everything. Just like we can’t know exactly what the other party did to contribute.

It isn’t intentional. It’s not laziness. It’s just a blindspot.

So rather than assuming that we’re always putting in more than our share, maybe it’s worth asking whether we might be underestimating how much everyone else is doing.

-Brandon